Updated: Oct 19, 2020
If I am being honest, I'm exhausted. Grief is heavy for me right now. We are heading into the colder months and I have been going to school to pursue my bachelors in Social Work. I am finding that when I think I am doing better, I feel like life hits me with a million things to do and I end up reverting to my previous state of sadness. Don't get me wrong, I don't always feel sad, but I just want to feel something other than loneliness.
For those who know me, I love reading the scriptures. I specifically love the bible. I love the teachings of Jesus; His ministry and life. The greatest life lessons that I have learned have been from Him and studying the scriptures. I don't know why, but for a while now I have been intrigued by the writings of Isaiah. Isaiah was a prophet who testified of Christ's life- hundreds of years before the Savior was even born. He devoted time to writing 66 chapters about the Messiah and why we should get to know Him.
When I lay my head down at night, it is very hard. I so wish that Caleb is with me to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I find this part one of the hardest parts of my day, but in this time, I have had a specific scripture from Isaiah come to my mind multiple times that says:
I have been thinking about what it means to wait. I find myself thinking about the time that I will be able to see Caleb again and I wonder when that will be. I think that waiting on the Lord means submitting your will to His and have faith to know that someday all of His promises will be fulfilled to you. I don't know what the Lord is trying to teach me right now, but I do know he is trying my patience. It reminds me of the scripture that says, "And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them (Abraham 3:25)." Our loving God has promised that if we submit to His will, and give our whole souls as an offering to Him, we will have enough strength to get through any trial he puts us through even if we are exhausted and don't think we can deal with the pains of this life anymore. There is a Balm in Gilead for those who wait upon the Lord. This is an eternal principle that I am learning each day.
Much love, MJ