The Chest

Have you ever looked back and thought about all that has happened in your life? Some of your memories may feel so far away, others may feel closer.

Does it ever make you sad to think about some of the memories you experienced because they were so good? and also that they will never ever happen again because that chapter of your life is over?

Me too.

5 years ago I was a freshman in college. Now I’m a senior and I’m almost done with my undergrad. A couple of weeks ago, I sat in the opposite section at a Utah State basketball game. As I looked across from me, I saw numerous bright eyed students in their own section. For a moment, my mind flashed back to a memory I had standing in that section as an 18 year old. I was there with all of my friends, cheering our team on and it was so so good. I was genuinely happy and had no idea what was to come in the next 5 years.

I look back at some of the experiences that I have had in such a short time. Losing a husband, becoming distanced from close family and friends, and then gaining a whole new wonderful family, on top of stress, depression, and a lot of other ailments that I have experienced. A lot has happened and changed. It is becoming more difficult to think about the good times because I have to come to the realization that those certain memories will never happen again.

It is okay and healthy to mourn certain parts of your life and memories of what was once a reality.

You can be sad that a certain part of your life has come to a halt, or has ceased. You can take the time to mourn that you will never have these memories again with certain people in your life. I have learned and seen from others that if you don’t take the time to feel what you are truly feeling, it could be damaging for your mental state and send you into a downward spiral.

I am grateful for healing and growth. I have learned that it isn’t bad to compartmentalize or put certain memories in a figurative box. I picture myself putting a happy memory that I don’t need to think about everyday in a chest. When the time is right, I can go back and open the chest when I want to and revisit the memory. This is something healthy that I do to deal with some memories of Caleb. Some memories I can hold onto, but it is hard to think about every day. This is actually a wonderful and healthy practice to implement in your own life if you are like me: who is someone who has many difficult memories or even happy memories that they want to hold onto, but store them in their mind for a while.

Memories are difficult to deal with for me. I constantly think about my past, the good and bad. It is alright to be sad that a certain chapter of your life is over. You can also compartmentalize and pick what you want to store in your own personal chest. Chests are meant to store valuable belongings or information. Why not figuratively do that? I hope everyone can learn how to compartmentalize; it’s a tool that has saved me.

Love, Marissa

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