Brighter and Brighter Until the Perfect Day

I hate when people say, “God will not give you a trial that you can’t handle.” In my opinion, I think that He does. At least for me, He has given me this certain trial that I cannot handle. It’s been really hard. I don’t think anyone understands. I’ve literally gone multiple nights without sleep. I’ve had dark episodes of sadness during a perfectly fine day. Many people see me and say, “you‘re doing good” and “you’re so strong.” I don’t feel that.

I just try and survive each day. Waking up is hard. I literally have to choose to get out of bed. I have to choose to do my school work, to eat, and to keep my relationships with my friends. These things were routine before my sweetheart's accident and a part of regular life, but I now find these things exhausting. Through all of the exhaustion, there is one thing that keeps me going. The last couple of days have been especially taxing on my heart. Today I remembered a scripture that says,

Through my grief, I have been able to see tiny slivers of light break through my personal darkness. I see it in my little brother. Every time I go and see him at home, he is always radiating light to me. I wonder why I see the light in him so clearly. I think it is because he is without sin. He has not reached the age of knowing right and wrong from his actions. He is not yet accountable. Little children are alive in Christ. (Moroni 8:12) The reason why I am writing this is because it is so important to become like a little child. They are teachable and submissive. I think it is necessary to seek these attributes to become a light to other people in their darkest hour.

The light that I have been referring to is called the Light of Christ. Which is the only thing getting me through. This light is an appendage of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is so sweet, and it fills a hole in my heart for a moment. Whenever I feel this light, I feel the awareness of a father in heaven who loves me. I feel better for just a little bit. The light of Christ gives me hope. I feel the light of Christ when I am in the car by myself. I feel it when I am playing the piano, I feel it when I look at the sky. These are little instances when I feel the light and awareness of Christ in my life. Although it is not constant, I know that He is there.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ gives us power to overcome what we cannot overcome ourselves. God does give us trials that we can't do on our own. That is why he has provided a Savior. 2,000 years ago, the literal Savior of the world knelt before His father in fervent prayer. He plead and suffered so great, for the love that was in Him made Him bleed from every pore in His body. The weight was so heavy from all of mankind's sin, heartache, infirmities, etc., that he asked His father to take away his pain. I don't think about this experience enough, but when I do, I feel the light. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is light. Because of Him, you don't have to be alone, for the Savior has already felt the pain that you feel. He knows entirely the severity of the problems you have.

I know that the light of Christ is evidence that I see God working in my life.

Yes, I am depressed

Yes, I am afraid

But, I am a recipient of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and that is enough.

Love, MJ

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