I recently saw an Instagram post on my feed. This woman had been through the loss of her spouse. She instantly said that there was no God. She then proceeded to say that she was not strong enough to do this and began to question why this happened to her. I see posts like this often on my news feed. I see many Christians who have believed in the mercies of God their whole lives, partaken of His miracles, and then immediately turn away from Him when something bad or horrific happens to them.
Well, I am here to say that there definitely is a God. When Caleb was in the hospital, I was so angry. I was so upset with God. I was so pissed. I was mad that this happened to my best friend. My thoughts often consisted of: Why on earth would you take him away from me? Why him? He's so young, healthy, and happy. Why would you let me go through this much sorrow right now when my life is only beginning?
I had a surge of these emotions come over me, but despite all of these thoughts, I knew that Caleb was loved. This wasn't an act of wrath from God, this was a part of His grand plan. Being a missionary, you study the scriptures every day. You teach people about the plan that God has for them and their eternal destiny. We would teach people about how the sting of death is swallowed up in the will of Christ (Mosiah 16:8) and that we will be resurrected someday when Christ comes to earth once again. I often taught people that death did not have to be a scary thing- but here I was seeing it first hand.
Throughout this awful experience, I have learned that God is a loving, eternal Being. He has a body of flesh and bone as tangible as man's, and He loved all of his children (us) so much that He sent His Son into this world, to be the center of His plan, to be able to suffer for our sins, afflictions, pains, sorrows, infirmities, and eventually be sacrificed for us on the cross. So that we could use His Atonement, become better people, and become saints through His grace. Caleb had a lot of infirmities in the last days of his life. It is meaningful for me to know that Jesus Christ has suffered for Him personally. I knew Caleb was not alone and I have found a lot of comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ has already taken care of that.
I know there is a God because I have seen the miracles and blessings that He has given me in this life. I know that we are loved and I know that God does not want to see us suffer. But when we do suffer, I know He is there to hold us in our darkest times. I know the trials that we are given suck. They are awful. No one wants to live this life going through the loss of a loved one, especially a spouse.
If I know one thing, it's this. Trials will come and they will get harder. They were personally given to you by God to test you and see if you will hold true to Him. I have learned that it is not appropriate to turn away from the Creator, but to draw closer to Him and gain an understanding of what He wants for you. I have chosen to trust God because I have nothing left to lose. God can lift you up from the ground, take the shackles of your life, and transform you into something better. All you have to do is draw nearer to Him.